The Gap Year - Chapter Five

Grace accepted Jeff’s offer.  There were many reasons why she did.  To begin with, her tutor was cajoling her continuously to find part time work to practise her skills and with Jeff appearing each day during the following week to help Anna but taking Grace off to chat with him about his proposal and instead whispering to her how much he missed her when they were apart.  Against her will, Grace was being persuaded to accept his offer.  The rate of pay he was offering was tempting too.  Nowhere else would she be paid as well for the little amount of work he was asking her to do.  It was much more than the National minimum she would be paid elsewhere as an unqualified, inexperienced eighteen year old.  She accepted him and felt cheap as the words left her mouth.  If her mother, her best friend in the world, should ever come to know about this, she would be horrified.  Grace could not tell Anna for fear of disrupting Anna’s work and their friendship with the Andrew’s family.  Grace knew that had she talked to her mother the moment Jeff had asked her in the kitchen, she might have gotten her daughter out of the mess.  But Grace knew she was in too far now.  Jeff was certainly out to use her and she should have been strong and said no to him.  Jeff, however, had not stopped his persistent questioning but had become gentler in his approach, realising that to get his way, he would need to give Grace some time.  He did not give her space though, and stayed close at hand for a week until the day she said yes.

Once she had agreed, the thoughts that she had before, the doubts, did not go away.  She knew that Jeff was mid-forties meaning that this lust for adultery was a reaction to midlife, or else he had done it for his entire married life, shielding it from his wife and it was Grace’s turn in the spotlight.  She knew he was after a virgin; he had told her so in no uncertain terms.  Grace did not tell him that she did not quite fit the bill and unfortunately, did not use it as a get-out clause.  Grace also knew that she could have said no, could still say no and wait for him to turn his eyes onto someone else or wait for him to grow out of the phase.  All these options featured regularly in Grace’s mind but she was too young to realise the magnitude of her actions and not mature enough to be brave and finish it.  She felt something that she called love.  When she was in a more sober state of mind, she knew that she was enjoying possessing the attention of a man, something she had never really known thus far.  Throughout her early and mid-teens, with dancing lessons and singing with the choir and acting parts, her free time had been limited and usually spent on her own with her pets or with her girl friends. 

Now at a different college, she saw little of her friends, as they had gone away for the year or had gone to University so Grace found she was on her own even more.  In the weeks that followed, Grace found her free afternoons in Jeff’s car, having a lift home and having the occasional detour to a secluded place for an hour or two.  Anna thought Jeff was kind to take Grace to his office rather than make her spend money on petrol and then bring her home after a few hours.  In truth, Grace had done no administrative work for Jeff and probably never would.   When they were together in the afternoons, she and Jeff talked at first, telling one another between frantic and passionate kisses what they would do were they free to be together.  They planned a future together each afternoon.  Grace tried to convince herself that she was not doing something wrong; affairs and adultery were as regular in life as smoking, drinking and drugs.  In all honesty, Grace preferred when he had to get home early to look after his sons, when they would only be able to talk during the journey and she could feel less guilt ridden on arrival home.

As Christmas drew near, Jeff and Anna’s work together shut down for the holiday season, and G6race saw very little of Jeff.  They had spent more and more time together and Anna was pleased that her daughter was working well for Jeff.  Anna, like Lisa, remained oblivious to the couple’s relationship, however, Jeff and Grace were extremely careful and under the guise of Grace working for Jeff, they managed to get away with their frequent and irregular meetings.  It was Christmas Eve when of Grace accidentally ran into the entire Andrews family, at the Midnight service.  Grace had come alone, as Anna had been invited to an impromptu party.  Leaving late, Grace had managed to sidle into the church as the lights were dimmed.  The church was left lit only by the soft glow of candlelight, as Grace felt her way to a spare bit of pew.  Unfortunately, she looked up to find Jeff sitting next to her, with Lisa and the boys on his other side.  In the darkness, no one saw her blushing.

Grace found through the sermon her brain was having a mad skirmish with itself.  In front of the Lord, within one thought, Grace begged for forgiveness and strength to finish the foolish affair she had begun with the tall, handsome man on her right, and with another, wondered if he would ever reach out, under the cover of darkness, to take her hand that she had so carefully placed by his side on the pew.  Grace sat there in the church within which she had been baptised and confirmed.  Surrounded by old friends and neighbours she felt exceedingly vampish.  As the sermon entered its conclusion, she felt a warmth cross her hand and her heart.  After surreptitiously moving his hand across his line, Jeff, moved his hand to his side of the pretence of making himself more comfortable on the hard, wooden pew.  Slowly, their fingers began to interlink within the shadows between them, slowly rubbing knuckles and fingers, they held hands the remainder of the service.

As soon as the lights came back on and she said goodnight and bade the family are very merry Christmas, the whole tenderness and magic of the sermon had vanished between them.  Their hug goodbye was brief and showed no warmth and as they let go, both valiantly hoped they looked normal on the surface.  Grace left of the Andrew’s family and walked to her car, her face burning and suddenly resolved that if it was a business only deal he was after, then that what was what he would receive.

The Gap Year - Chapter Four

Grace felt as though she was conducting a business deal during the next few minutes.  When she reviewed the conversation later on that evening, she supposed that was exactly what she had done.  A deal where she would be Jeff's secretary by day and his mistress by night.  Jeff was a good looking man; tall, muscular and tanned.  He did not look his age of 43, his hair still dark and longish, flopping over his brow.  However, he was 43, with a wife and two sons, the eldest few years younger than Grace herself.  
Jeff had taken Grace's hand and pressed it to his lips.  The kiss had electrified her and she had shivered.  She felt young and foolish.
'What about Lisa and your boys?  Lisa's a good friend of Mum's.  I couldn't stand hurting her.  I don't want to be the one to break up your marriage.'
'I know, I know, but we'd be discreet.'
She scoffed at this and took her hand away sharply.  She opened the fridge door and it rattled as it collided with his airbourne hand.  She pulled out the milk, walked over to the teacups and poured a splash in each.
'Please, Grace, I'm offering quite a good deal,' he said quietly.
'I take it you didn't discuss that part with Mum?'
'No, Grace.  Please, think about it.  Please.'
He leant in to kiss her but she turned her face away so his lips brushed her cheek.
'Oh, go on.  Grace, let me kiss you.  Once, please?'
He leant in again but she turned her face away and pushed him back.  
'Ok.  I'm not going to rush you.  I don't want to rush this.  I'd like you to think about it.  About us.'
Grace did not reply and her eyes stayed away from his face.  Grace did not know if she could look at him in the same way again.  She never believed he would ever have proposed what he just had.

'I'll go.  Tell your Mum I'll see her tomorrow.'


Grace had no idea what to do.  All night she stayed awake, catching glimpses of disturbed sleep.  How dare he make her feel uncomfortable in this way?  She came up with hundreds of things to tell him, that she should have said immediately; how it was worng, how she wasn't a piece of meat, how he had known her for years.  How she wanted true love and a man to value and love her wholeheartedly.  As the hours crept towards morning and the dawning light made her small room look bleak and miserable, Grace tried to get in sleep before her alarm went off but she stayed awake, unhappy that she had not been firmer and refused him.
'And now I have to face him again,' she said aloud to Tom as she reached a hand to turn off her clock's dratted bleeping. 

The Gap Year - Chapter Three

A few months previously, Jeff Andrews, a family friend, had been helping Anna with her business accounts.  Anna, often working from home, regularly asked Jeff for his assistance and so Grace often used to find him in her kitchen when she came home from college, eating the last of the biscuits, as he and Anna were rounding off for the day.  With Grace's A levels out of the way this term, she had opted for a Gap year instead of University straight away, and had decided to take a part-time secretarial course to fill her time and supply her with some extra qualifications.  One afternoon, Jeff and Anna had finished work early and Anna, popping out to see a friend, had left Jeff to clear away for her.  Grace came home to find him alone but with a very interesting proposition.

'Mum, I'm home,' Grace hollered as she came through the door.  Sam bounded forward and collided with her knees.

'Hi,' Jeff called back, 'she's gone out.  She said she'd be back in a couple of hours.  Fancy a cuppa?'

'Um, yes, please.  Thanks,' Grace replied, as she entered the kitchen, an excited Sam in tow.

Jeff was leaning against the counter, a teaspoon in one hand, and the filled kettle in the other.  Grace was struck at how good he looked today, in a clean v-necked t-shirt and jeans, and commented so.  He was now a regular visitor in the house and finding him here alone was no longer unusual.  He was always charming and he had a devillish sense of humour.  Grace decided he was fun to have around.  As he flicked the kettle on to boil, he leant forward to reach the tea caddy behind her.  As he retrieved it, he let his arm brush gently against hers, and he smiled.
'How was college today?' he asked.
'Fine.  Nothing interesting to report.  What's happened today with you two?'
'Not too bad.  Finished the admin work for this month.'
Grace turned away from him and took off her coat.  She stepped out of the kitchen to throw it on the stairs.  Then, aware of her company, she picked it up, and hung it in the cloakroom.
'Grace?'
'Yes?' she replied, pulling the door closed again and going back to the kitchen.
'I hear from your Mum that you're after a part-time job, using your newly acquired secretarial skills?'
'Yes.  Nothing too strenuous.'  She smiled, 'I've been looking in the paper for jobs but nothing's been suitable yet.'
'What do you think about working for me?' Jeff said, nonchalantly.  Grace looked up and noticed him trying to cover a smirk.
'You?  Doing what?  You need a secretary?'
'Of sorts.  Yes.  I'm looking for someone to... need you to help out a bit.  With the extra work from your Mum and the rest of my projects, I thought you might like to help and get a bit of experience under your belt.'
Grace pondered this.  If Grace did help, keeping Jeff on good terms, he may stay to help Anna when she expanded her business during the next few months.
'And I talked it through with your Mum,' he continued, 'and she seems to think it's a good idea.  If you're interested?'
'How much would you pay me?' she asked, as she reached over his arm to get the boiled kettle.  She filled the two cups and glanced flirtatiously over her shoulder at him, 'Are you sure you can afford me?'
'I'm sure we could come to an agreement, I think my terms will be more than satisfactory.'
Grace replaced the kettle and crossed the kitchen floor to the fridge.  Walking behind her, Jeff managed to get there first and he put is flat palm onto the fridge door.
'There's something else.'
'What?' Grace took a step back and put one hand on her hip, expectantly.  She looked into his beautiful eyes and smiled.
'Grace,' he cleared his throat, 'you must realise I like you.  You might not know how much, but you know it's there.'
Grace felt her face flush.  She scolded herself inwardly at her own naivety.  Why did she have to blush?  She was certain she looked stupid; flushed, young with nothing to say.  She had to say something though.  She took the bullet.
'I like you too, Jeff.  What do you want to do about it?'

The Gap Year - Chapter Two

It was a good night; the principals were singing well and the rehearsals were picking up pace as the parts were rapidly being learnt.  Grace went back to her car contented with the evening's proceedings.  Following rehearsals, a few of the cast would go to the pub down the road, 'The Singing Dog' to bash the night over and do the social bit that was missed out during the brief tea break an hour before.  Grace got into the car and turned the key.  The car threatned to stall but jamming her foot onto the accelerator she kept it going.  Outside was pitch black and she could see dark objects moving in front of the various cars' headlights in the park.  Grace kept her lights off so she could catch a glimpse of him walking to his car.  There he was.  Walking jauntily but with a purpose, his music book under one arm and both hands in his pockets to keep out the biting cold.  She watched him fiddle with his keys and then open the door to get in.  She waited, hoping to follow him to the pub, for him to turn on his car lights and move off.  As his car moved into the central roadway, Grace quickly slid in file behind him in the queue to get out and as one long line, they trundled up the road.  As they reached the pub's entrace, Grace was beside herself that tonight she may talk to him, stand a chance of sitting near or even next to him.  During the relatively short journey, thousands of images had flashed across her mind of them finally being alone together and what she would do if that situation ever occurred.  She signalled to go into the pub but was unexpectedly brought down to earth when she realised he had flown past the entrace and was continuing down the main road.  Crestfallen, Grace turned into the pub's car park and slotted into a space next to the Musical Director's archaic motor.  
'Two peas in a pod,' she murmured as she got out of her car before looking over the low hedge in search of him.  She watched his silver sportscar speed down the straight road and pondered why he was not staying as he normally did.  Suddenly, she remembered.  His wife was coming home that evening.  The wife.  She regularly worked away from home but when she was home, he would leave early or not attend in order to spend time with her.  This was not too often: Grace knew she must lead a very busy life.
How lonely he must get sometimes.  Did he ever want some company?  Perhaps she could go and see him on those frequent lonesome nights, if only to provide comfort and companionship.  She grinned as she walked to the pub's invitingly open door, knowing that no one would believe her innocent motives.


Back at home, Grace popped her head around her Mum's door to say good night and went to her own room.  Joined by Tom, Grace reread Lou's letter. 
'Love, not sex,' was Lou's comment.
Well, Grace was after love.  She had her whole future mapped out but she was realising more frequently that life followed its own path, a path usually against the grain of the original.

The Gap Year - Chapter One

As she waited for the heating to kick in, Grace glanced over to the clock.

'Two o'clock, nearly there.'

Glancing down at the sheet she was valiantly trying to copy before the end of the lesson, she read the next few lines.  Her spelling was failing as she continued.  Her trusty friend, the spell checker, was picking up the debris she left as she typed, fixing the words so that they somewhat resembled what was on the page before her.  Grace was waiting for her mobile to ring, the call that would whisk her away from college, to somewhere, home preferably, with hot tea, food and if possible a warm bed to accompany both.  Sadly, she reminded herself that she had another overdue paper still to complete.  To get to rehearsals on time that evening, she would need to begin the project as soon as she got home.  Sighing, she continued to type.

'Buzz... buzz...'

Reaching into her bag with one hand, the other doing a lively jig over the keyboard, she flipped the phone open and pressed it to her ear.

'Mmhmm?  Yes, give me a sec... I'll be down... where?  Ok, kisses, bye.'

Finishing the sentence, she logged her computer off, jammed her folder, diary and phone into her bag and threw her scarf around her neck.  Walking swiftly to the door, she waved to her professor, who nodded in return.  It was two o'clock; she would let her go without reprimand.  

Grace reached the door, just as Claire barged through with her printed pages.

'Mind out, Grace, some of us have work to do and no convenient lift home.'

Grace waited for Claire to go past, shaking her head slightly behind her.  She slipped through the door, pulled it closed behind her and moved towards the stairs.  They had been making curry in the kitchens again, and as usual the second floor reeked of burnt spices.  Escaping this, she went down two more flights and out into the bracing October air.  The black car was perched on the pavement, with Jeff at the wheel.  Opening the door, beaming at him, she threw her bag in the back.  Collapsing into the front seat of the Renault, he manoevered them into the stream of traffic that was starting to build at the junction.

'Hello, honey, how are you?'

'Absolutely knackered.  It was freezing up there: my fingers were beginning to refuse work!'

'Well, we'll have to warm them up then... give them something to do,' he winked as he turned up the heater.

Laughing gently, she replied, 'I know what you're after, only, can we postpone it today?  I have so much work to do tonight and I have a rehearsal to attend, too.'

'Oh hell, Grace, I organised today... Can you make it tomorrow?'

'Yes, certainly.'

'It'll mean you've just got more work to do, you know, to catch up.'

'Thanks, love, I really appreciate it.  How was the meeting?'

'Oh, this and that.  Thomas kept an eye on us all day.'

'He does that, and it's really intimidating if he turns the dodgy one on you.  Poor boy,' she said, reaching a hand up to stroke the nape of his neck.  As he slowed to the junction, he turned and looked into her grey eyes, and leaned into kiss her pert little mouth.  As the lights changed he quickly composed himself, jammed the car into first gear and moved off again.

At home, she set to work, and the entire project looked reasonable by the time she rounded off at 5.30.  Stowing the printed page in her folder, she went to the kitchen to find something to eat.  Reminded of the kitchens at college, she smelt her top and pulled a face.  She realised she would have to change before going out.  Finding a couple of bagels and the remnants of the cream cheese, she popped a doughy ring in the toaster and retrieved her post from the stairs.  It had been thrown there earlier, as she ran out the door, late as usual, for class.  Nothing particular to interest her; a clothes catalogue, a credit card offer and a leaflet for a charity, but at the bottom of the pile she found a small, brown package sent from Africa.  The cat flap went in as she slumped onto the stairs.  She squashed it slightly and felt something hard and bobbly inside.
'Must be from Lou, a charm bracelet or something,' she mumbled to Tom, her cat with the dodgy eye, who had begun to play with her shoelace.  Flipping the package over she peeled the tape off and opened it up.  Inside were two necklaces made from black strips of leather; one with a tigers' eye stone and the other with a rose quartz.  Both were cut roughly, nothing like the typical ones Grace was used to, those that were smooth and that shined.  Tipping the envelope up, a folded piece of paper fell into her hand.

'Dear you,
How are you?  Out here is fabulous!  The monkeys are so funny.  Have lots of things to tell you when I get back, too many things to write now.
The stones are important, Gracie!  The tiger one is pretty so wear it but the rose one is meant to bring you love.  Love, not sex.  I hear from Georgie's emails that you're up to no good.  Well done on the business front but the affair is not so great.  I'll be home in a week or two and we'll discuss it then.  I presume you're not talking about this with your mother so I'll have to do it for her.  Just take care of yourself, in all senses of the word.
Love you, from me.'

Laughing, Grace folded up the letter and put it back in the envelope.  With her makeshift tea, she took her post to her room, put the letters in the bin but Lou's package she put on her 'special' shelf as it was.  The shelf was full of trinkets, paper cuttings of actors, pretty boxes and ornaments, and the crinkled package looked out of place, stuck on the end but she would sort it out later.  Flopping on her bed, she flicked on the television and started to demolish a bagel.

An hour later, she was showered, dried and dressed, made up, laboriously perfumed and ready with her music, when she heard a key in the lock.
'Hey, Mum,' she hollared down the stairs.
'Hi, darling.  Give me a hand would you?  I sort of overdid the shopping.'
Coming down the stairs, Grace nearly collided with her adorable sheepdog, Sam.
'Hello, boy.  Been a good boy for Mummy?  Have you?' she cooed as she ruffled the fur behind his ears.  In came her Mum, Anna, dumping the shopping bags at the foot of the stairs.
'There's only a few things left in the boot, go get them for me, love?'
As she struggled back in with the 'few things', the litre bottles of water threatening to fall from her arms, Grace went into the kitchen where Anna, still in hat and coat, was filling up the kettle.
'Really sorry, Mum, I'm going to have to go now.'
'Don't be too late in, please,' Anna said over her shoulder, 'I do like to see you for more than five minutres at a time.  Going to the pub after?'
'Probably.  Is that ok? '
'Yes...'
'I won't stay for long and I won't drink anything more poisonous that lemonade, ok?'
'See you later then, pumpkin'.
Grace threw her arms around her Mum and kissed her cheek.  She bent down to tickle Tom and Sam, who were looking up expectantly for their tea, before picking up her scarf and keys and opening her door.
'See you later, God bless,' her Mum called as the door closed.

Once on the road, Grace blew on her hands to warm them up and switched on the CD.  The show for which she was rehearsing blared at once and she immediately fiddled with the volume switch to turn it down a notch.  Skipping the tracks to get to the first chorus, she swerved around a tight corner, narrowly missing a car coming the other way.  Braking slightly, she tried to find the right track with her eyes firmly fixed on the road and began to sing along to the music, trying to remember the lyrics.  Before each rehearsal, she would play the music for the whole trip to learn the parts but tonight, her mind kept drifting to thoughts of the male protagonist and the pleasant but consuming effects he was having on her.  Smiling to herself, she drove on.